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Introducing High Net Worth Health (HNWH), BC's 8th Health Authority

To ensure the sustainability of British Columbia's universal healthcare system, Premier John Horgan and Health Minister Adrian Dix today announced the creation of the Province's newest health authority: High Net Worth Health (HNWH).

Nobody will be forced to seek care outside the public health system as long as I'm in charge.

John Horgan, Premier

This new health authority operates province-wide, in parallel with the five regional health authorities. HNWH will guarantee the unique needs of high net worth individuals can be properly accommodated within the public framework without fear of stigma.

We've recognized that, too often, minority groups feel uncomfortable accessing certain services and are made to feel they do not belong. Addressing these challenges has been a priority for BC's NDP government, and establishing HNWH is proof we take this seriously.

Nicholas Simons, Minister of Social Development and Poverty Reduction

Access to services offered by HNWH will be available to BC residents with a net worth of at least $10 million, or EBITDA of at least $1 million for each of the past two years, as well as their immediate families. Enrolment details are the exclusive responsibility of BC's private bankers.

To ensure adequate geographic representation, headquarters for the new health authority will be split between three newly-constructed facilities in Oak Bay, the Point Grey area of Vancouver, and Tofino.

We're very grateful to Telus, who has graciously provided the telecommunications infrastructure to operate three facilities in parallel. This is yet another way they've demonstrated their wholehearted commitment to the betterment of public healthcare in BC.

Adrian Dix, Minister of Health

Minister Dix further expressed his support to the Ultra High Net Worth Institute, which acted as consultants on this project. He has been invited to speak at their upcoming roundtable, exploring how wealthy families can navigate the unprecedented gaps in the healthcare system.

Dix was quick to reassure everyone that the loss of clinical resources from other health authorities would be minimal. However, he guaranteed there would be absolutely no reduction in their most critical assets:

Health AuthorityCEOBase SalaryTotal CompensationVice PresidentsCorporate Expenditures
Island HealthKathy MacNeil$345,150$403,79110$240.838 million
Northern HealthCathy Ulrich$342,077$390,7716$90.431 million
Interior HealthSusan Brown$341,925$441,4459$201.684 million
Vancouver Coastal HealthVivian Eliopoulos$362,057$391,03115$413.482 million
Fraser HealthVictoria Lee$350,571$410,01210$370.735 million
First Nations Health AuthorityRichard Jock--11$45.308 million
Provincial Health Services AuthorityDavid Byres$177,500$221,01113$1,022.961 million
Total 74$2,385.439 million

Horgan also noted that High Net Worth Health will address longstanding concerns about the limited options available for mid-level executives seeking new careers in healthcare in BC, while at the same time increasing opportunities for further team-based initiatives.

Leaders from across Canada and across the political spectrum were quick to respond to the HNWH announcement:

I very much look forward to attending the ground-breaking ceremony for the new headquarters in Tofino.

Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada

I congratulate my NDP brothers and sisters in BC. This just demonstrates that there is nothing socialism can't accomplish if we all work together and focus on what's most important.

Jagmeet Singh, Leader, New Democratic Party of Canada

While there are a few things we're doing differently out here, a different flavour of gravy, if you will, this really demonstrates the power of the federation. However we get there, we all want the same thing.

Doug Ford, Premier of Ontario

A representative from the Union of BC Municipalities said they looked forward to issuing a statement explaining exactly how much HNWH will help with the challenges they face. Newly-minted Conservative Party of Canada Leader Pierre Poilievre, outgoing Alberta Premier Jason Kenney, and presumed Alberta dictator-in-waiting Danielle Smith all sent congratulations but were unavailable for intelligent comment.

This shows our ongoing commitment to BC leadership in healthcare and stakes out a clear vision for the future. We continue to believe in solutions for everyone. In that light, I am glad to see that plans for further Universal Prayer and Compassion Centres have not been impacted. I've never been prouder of anything I've been involved with, and that says a lot. I'm sure we'll see many more health authorities in our future.

Dave Eby, anointed Premier-in-waiting

This is, as I hope should be obvious, a work of satire.